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6 Crazy Zombie Outbreak Scenarios That You Haven’t Prepared For

Okay, I know I’m not the first to say this, but it’s generally true, that deep down, we are all looking forward to a zombie outbreak

That said, it’s also true that we all could stand to learn a little bit more about what we will be up against, so here it is guys and gals, a survival and scenario guide to the zombie apocalypse, brought to you by the guys from the Zombie POD.

To start, we have to discuss the source, which can cause a bit of a stir depending on who you talk to, so we are going to try and cover all the basics. Firstly, it is often difficult to mark the source of a zombie outbreak, as with a lot of movies, especially those created in the Romero heyday, the origins of the virus / contamination / curse / radiation etc. are often blindsided, not to deliberately burden the plot line, but instead it is used to steer the storyline away from the grandiose scheme of zombie outbreak and instead narrow the audiences focus on the individual characters that are presented to the audience.

Six Possible Zombie Outbreak Scenarios:

1.) Perhaps the military dun goofed with a ‘bio weapon gone bad?’ Because let’s be honest, we never know what our governments get up to behind closed doors.

Zombie Outbreak

2.) Maybe some nut job with some spare cash finances the release of a deadly virus? Imagine Pinky and the Brain trying to take over the world, but with zombies.

3.) Did you ever consider a fungal infection being the cause of a zombie outbreak? Hmmm did you?

Well its plausible, for example some ants in in the world when infected with a fungal spore called the ‘Ophiocordyceps fungus’ are prone to feast upon fellow ants in order to feed the parasitic fungal infection that is controlling them. Who knows, maybe a nut-job scientist could engineer this 48 million year old fungus to control humans and hey-presto, we have a zombie apocalypse on our hands!

Zombie Outbreak

4.) Radiation is also a possibility, and there have been examples of radiation mutating cells to an extent, but what would happen if this radiation began decaying all our cells on contact, limiting our brain function to an instinct level, tunnel vision monstrosity, render the human as nothing more than a uni-function feeding unit, a.k.a the zombie.

5.) Urgh… Voodoo. This in my opinion is a bunch of bullshit; however in the interests of this blog, I shall persevere.

Basically, the Afro-Caribbean ‘bokors’ and ‘houngans’ (priests) could apparently revive or reanimate a corpse and have it remain under the control of the bokor. In my opinion this, whether true or not, goes completely against the philosophy of a zombie, as zombies categorically cannot be controlled or domesticated, yet through the magic fun sticks that is voodoo, for some reason they can. Also Humans affected by the houngans / bokors neurotoxin ‘zombie powder’ who then become zombies, are depicted in cinema as showing emotion such as pain and anger when provoked, this is something zombies should not be able to do!

Zombie Outbreak

6.) Finally, the good old viral infection!

This is the most common model of a zombie outbreak, where a virus enters your blood stream via a zombie bite or scratch and hops along to the brain where through processes unbeknownst to us, kills us, and then is kind enough to replicate the cells around the frontal lobe in order to turn us into the mindless, shambling zombies we see in the media.

Transference:

Sticking to the viral infection, transference is 100% commutable and fatal to the recipient, if you are bitten or bled on and a transference of fluids takes place, then you will be infected and begin the long and horrible journey down the rabbit hole into hell. Have fun! The virus itself can only be transferred through fluids mixing, and not through an airborne or waterborne virus as those strains are non-existent (using Max Brooks’ Solanum as my basis here).

Therefore being bitten is not the only way to get infected, if you have sexual contact with an infected person, then you could be infected as well. So basically, don’t have sex with zombies.

zombie sex

Possible Symptoms: Hours post infection / bite:

Hour 1: A metric shit load of pain that will make you cry out for momma! Clotting of the wound and discolouration.
Hour 5: high fever, your forehead will look like Niagara falls you be sweating so much. Also more pain.
Hour 8: Numb bum syndrome will set in, all over your body.
Hour 11: Mental fatigue, slowed heart rate, inability to do fuck all about anything.
Hour 15: Coma.
Hour 20: YO DEAD FOOL.
Hour 24: YO ALIVE AGAIN FOOL… Kind of, you a zombie now! CONGRATULATIONS!

Cross species infection. (spoilers ahead):

cross species contaminationOkay the most worrying thing is, will bugs and insects get infected? The answer is a plain and simple no. This is because parasitic and symbiotic insects have developed a sense (my zombie senses are tingling) way to tell if the blood they are about to engulf is zombie blood.

In addition to this Solanum has been known to die off in animals before the regeneration stage of the disease, this is because the biology of humans is different than that of animals, and therefore different strains of the same virus would have to exist in order for animals to become feral flesh addicted monsters!

Thank God for that!

Treatment:

Sorry to burst your bubble guys and gals, but there is no such thing as a treatment when considering a viral infection such as Solanum. Yup you heard it right. HOLY SHIT BALLS WERE DOOMED! The reason there is no such thing as treatment is because this virus is a VIRUS! Not a bacteria; therefore antibiotics will do about as much good as trying to stop a train with a tooth pick.

Also immunization will not work as the virus cannot create dead pathogens; the virus consistently replicates itself through the manipulation of the frontal lobe. Imagine stem cells recreating themselves rather than other cells around the body, that is essentially how this virus operates, and therefore injecting dead pathogens for immunization is futile as they would regenerate and give you the fully fledged ‘fuck you over’ virus.

Severing limbs is an option if the virus has just entered your body through a bite, however, you would be surprised how quickly the blood in your body will circulate, therefore the appendage must be severed immediately, also there is still a chance that the infected blood will mix with the non-infected blood during the operation.

Bloodletting is not an option, as with snake venom, you cannot drain every artery and vein at once, and all arteries and veins link in with each other, so the virus would spread immediately with no chance of being able to expunge every drop of blood from your arm or leg quickly enough.

OKAY! Well that’s an imperial crap tonne of information for you to drool over! Please check out our Zombie POD where we talk about all this and more, and even start a scenario based decision and action game for you to follow us along! Please feel free to get involved as well with our stories, give us ideas for future scenarios and areas you would like us to cover.

Feel free to comment as much as you like and if we would love to see drawings and animations of your favorite moments from the Zombie POD! If we like them we will make a video of them!

  • Kirsty O’Donoghue

    Seems like all my voodoo practice is going to be pretty useless, love the article!

  • Alex Crossfield

    Note to self…sex with Zombies is a no-go. Loved this ^_^ whens the next one due??

  • Just ran across this on the New York Times, and we may have to edit this post: http://zombiepop.net/6-crazy-zombie-outbreak-scenarios-that-you-havent-prepared-for/

  • UURRRG ROOORRR!!!

  • Kris Yogi Townley

    sex with a zombie…how would anyone do this anyway and why would they wanna lol great interpretation of max brooks btw lol

    • Zetruc

      Kris, Here’s an excerpt from The Last Days by Julie Cooper Brown: http://amzn.to/1cShBC5. I’ll let her creative imagination explain it to you…

      Dawn was not in Tennessee like he said.
      A lamp without a shade was on the end table and shining brightly over her form. She was strapped down to the bed, her hands bound at the wrist and hung from a hook in the wall above the head board. Her head was propped up on a pillow and a bungee cord was strapped across her chest above her breasts, making her bosom look full and swollen. Her legs were spread far apart and tied to the foot board by her ankles. Her skin had a bluish hue, and her face was bruised severely. Her eyes were closed and she was still.
      At first, I thought he had beat her to death and was getting angry with myself for not seeing the signs or hearing her screams. How could someone do this?
      I was not a nosy neighbor and I was ashamed looking in on this, but there was no gag on her mouth so why didn’t anybody hear her??
      Then her eyes opened and they were the eyes of the dead.
      I could clearly see now, that she was infected. Her head jerked in the direction of the door, giving me a clue that someone was coming.She began to …what seemed like sniff the air, she was snapping her teeth together and turning her head at odd angles, and I don’t think she was able to see. She was beginning to struggle. Why would he keep her like this?
      I was about to find out, and what he did made this whole scene so much worse.
      Dan had come into view, he was completely naked and his organ was small and erect.
      I thanked my lucky stars for the size of Evan. (It’s amazing how you think the most inappropriate things at the worst times.)
      I should’ve turned from the window just then but I couldn’t. He then slathered some kind of lubricant onto his…, you know, while he looked at her.
      And for just a second I thought that maybe he was going to masturbate instead, which isn’t much better considering he’d be beating off to a dead woman. He didn’t look nervous or afraid and he certainly didn’t look ashamed. Which he should have!!! I could NOT believe he was going to do this. But he DID!
      I gathered that this was not his first time.
      I watched with disgust as he got onto the bed between her legs and sat back on his calves, put his thighs under her legs, causing them to bend at the knee and fall further apart. She was still sniffing and snapping the air, he entered her and grabbed both her breasts, squeezing and twisting them in a way that would have brought a living woman to tears.
      His head went back and he proceeded with raping the reanimated corpse of his wife.
      Shit, what was I doing peeping anyway?