You were probably expecting some brilliant answers like hiding in a cave stockpiled with weapons, right? Well… I think not. At least not this time.
1. Yes, hide, but choose the place wisely. Forget that tree or those bushes you can see (and smell) through. The zombies don’t always have good eyesight, or none at all, but they seem to smell a human from miles away.
2. Run. That may be the best solution, providing you don’t get a fast one. Then unless you’re the human Road Runner, or his cousin, you’re in big trouble.
3. Fight. Use tools, rocks, weapons. Aim for the head. Don’t miss. And if you’re a wimp, you’re also in big trouble. Again.
4. If you are not a weapons or gun person and thus have nothing close at hand to grab for protection, then use this handy-dandy way to make a choice in how to defend yourself. This was sent to me for a blog post by author Julianne Snow and I thought it was pretty cool: You are in X room. Pick the five closest things to you to use as weapons.
My observation: Sorry, but if you’re anywhere other than the kitchen, you’re probably a goner. And that might not help either if all you have within reach are spatulas and cake tins. You should’ve taken up knife throwing instead of baking as a hobby.
5. Joke. What? When the zombies are coming you want to joke and goof off? What better time? Hey, it beats A. Crying or screaming; B. Wetting your pants. C. Running for your life with nowhere to go. See suggestion 2 above.
Why joke? Because in the absolute worst of situations or circumstances, you may either laugh or cry–or die. Laughter, even nervous, crazy, I’m-gonna-die laughter as you protect yourself and others is better than just curling up in a ball and waiting for the end.
So, I thought I’d share a teensy excerpt since the characters in my book, GIRL Z: My Life as a Teenage Zombie, have been known to share a bad pun and joke or two (or three), as in this instance when Gabe, the other part-Z (zombie) is trying to cheer up the main character, Becca, whom, to her surprise, he is interested in.
Excerpt From Girl Z: My Life As A Teenage Zombie:
He gave me a conspiratorial glance. “Want to hear one of my jokes?”
My disinterest didn’t stop him.
“Okay, here’s one for you—what do you call a girl on a date who doesn’t want to eat?” he asked, a smirk on his face.
“A zombie.” He laughed. “C’mon, don’t tell me you don’t think that’s funny? Hey, I’m just trying to lighten things up. I’ve got plenty more, want to hear?”
“Cute, but I don’t think being like this,” I pointed to myself, “is funny. Not at all.”
He motioned at me and leaned in to whisper. His minty breath hit the side of my face. “It is what it is, you know? We have to make the best of it. I wouldn’t worry about it, there’s nothing that’ll make you look bad. Nothin’ at all.” He winked. “Hey, anything you need, I’ll be glad to help. Any way I can.”
That’s the other good part, if you will, to a zombie apocalypse, at least in fiction. Even in the worst of times you can joke. And maybe, just maybe, there’ll be someone to share that joke, or at least show they’re interested so you really don’t have to be alone in the absolute worst of circumstances. And that’s what counts the most.
Synopsis for GIRL Z: My Life As A Teenage Zombie:
Sixteen-year-old Rebecca Herrera Hayes’ life changes forever when her cousin Spence comes back to their small Wisconsin town carrying a deadly secret—he’s becoming a zombie, a fate he shares with her through an accidental scratch.
The Z infection, however, has mutated, affecting younger persons like her, or those treated early enough, differently. Now she must cope with weird physical changes and habits no girl wants to be noticed for.
But time is running out… Becca needs the help of her friends and other cousin to fight off hungry zombies and find their missing mothers.
Most of all, she needs to find something, anything, to stop this deadly transformation before it is forever too late…
Christine Verstraete is a big Halloween fan who enjoys a good scare or two. Her short fiction has appeared online and in anthologies including Timeshares and Steampunk’d from DAW Books. Her new YA book, GIRL Z: My Life as a Teenage Zombie released August 1 and she is also a contributor to Darlings of Decay. Stop by her website one of her two blogs, Girl Zombie Authors or Candid Canine.