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How To Keep Your Zombie Mate Happy

This blog post  is made up of a 100% humor. If you should see a zombie, don’t try to date it, run!zombie mate

In a world where falling in love with a zombie is becoming more and more popular it is extremely likely that you will fall in love with one! They may groan all day, walk funny and drool blood, but they make really great companions. They really are just misunderstood, extremely gross looking creatures. They make for one hell of a listener…since they… can’t really talk… and everything.  You may be wondering how you can keep your Zombie mate happy and these tips will show you how to do it!

Bring brains, always bring brains:

You know a Zombie doesn’t love anything more than brains. Sadly, he/she might love them even more than you. But that’s OK,  your zombie can’t eat human food so bring along some fresh brains on your date! May I suggest you set up a little spread of brains for your lovely at home or in a remote part of the park so that people won’t try to off your zombie mate. You don’t have to knock off your friends to get brains either ( although it’s a great way to get rid of your enemies) sheep or pig brain will satisfy your zombie lover just fine. Zombies love brains; it doesn’t matter whose it is!

 

zombie mate

Don’t talk too fast

If you’ve ever met a zombie before, you know that they can be a tad slow on the cognitive front. That being said, don’t talk too fast! Your zombie love really wants to hear what you have to say. It just takes a little longer to process it. I suggest you talk between groans to make sure that you’re not boring your zombie to death…again.

Don’t comment on their appearance

A sore spot with a zombie is their appearance.  It’s only understandable given their decaying more and more by the day. Don’t chastise your zombie for his flesh falling off in the middle of a family cookout or losing his eye in the middle of a summer blockbuster film. Ask how you can help your zombie mate improve their appearance. Some flesh colored spray paint can go along way. You’re not with your zombie for their looks after all, it’s their decaying heart inside that count the most.

Don’t tempt your zombie matezombie mate

Unfortunately, you will have to love your zombie from a distance. Don’t tempt your zombie by hugging them close or leaning in for a kiss. You’re just asking them to take a bite out of you! Sure, it will satisfy their impulsive, animalistic craving for human flesh if they eat you, but when they’re done devouring you they’ll be sad that you’re gone and they’ll be all alone. Holding hands is fine, but if you’re going to date a zombie, you have to practice some restraint. Dating a zombie can be hard. It’s certainly not for everyone. However, sometimes you can’t help who you fall in love with even if it’s the undead!

Following these tips however will make your life…I mean relationship, last a bit longer.

  • The_Avid_Reader

    Loved the tips! I will keep them in mind if I meet any zombies. Hey as they say anything is possible!

  • Mila A. Ballentine

    I absolutely loved this article. No zombies for me. 🙂

    • I’m not exactly a zombie girl myself… it seems like a lot of work right?

  • Janiera, welcome aboard! Truly enjoy your flavor and sense of humor!